Knowing, Being & Expressing Yourself

How can I be inclusive towards others when I’m not towards myself? 

This question illustrates one of the most transformative chapters of my life. I knew something needed to shift. Beneath the overthinking, the hustle, the “shoulds”, I sensed I’d lost touch with who I was. Or maybe myself and I had never fully met.

If you're reading this, you might be standing at your own crossroads. Maybe something has changed. Maybe you have changed. 

Either way, if you’re ready to get curious about what comes next, why not try coaching? In this article, I explore how it helped me and many others, know, grow, and express ourselves more authentically and meaningfully. 

It’s not a magic fix, but an invitation to be(come) your own home.

Part 1: Know Yourself

I was seven when I first learned that being different could be dangerous. I still remember the sharpness of the exclusion that came with all the bullying. So, I watched, adapted, and blended - prepared to do anything to fit in. Soon, I became a chameleon.

Over the years, I developed so many masks that I lost track of who I actually was.

Coaching helped me begin the slow process of peeling back those layers. Like an onion. And at the core, I didn’t find a neat definition of identity. I found values, recurring themes, and a groundedness that’s difficult to describe.

Here’s a practice I often suggest to clients, and still return to myself:

Draw an onion. Yes, seriously.

In each layer, write:

• What recurring themes can you notice about your identity from childhood to now?

• What are your core values? 

• How do you show up now vs. how you’d like to?

• Who you are when no one’s watching? 

• Who would you be if you were 100% you? 

This is about taking a moment to listen inwards with curiosity and without judgement.

During lockdown, I finally gave myself that kind of space. Long walks. Freewriting. Less doing, more being. Your entry point might be different. It might be painting, meditating, gardening, dancing. The key is presence and openness to whatever comes.

And you don’t need to do this alone. Coaching creates a space where you can safely explore these questions, untangle limiting beliefs, and begin remembering who you are underneath all the roles.

Part 2: Grow Yourself

Once you begin to know yourself, something else starts to stir: possibility.

For me, growth used to mean editing myself down to what was deemed acceptable or impressive, oscillating between shrinking and shining, and driven by fear. Now I see it more like a path weaving through the mountains. Not linear. Not perfect. But alive.

A few things I’ve learned along the way:

• Follow your curiosity, your purpose will find you. I used to obsessively search for my purpose, but later realised that it was there all along, coming to life when I finally decided to pursue what genuinely fascinated me. 

• Growth is neither linear nor logical. You might feel something shift before you can name it. Or you might name it for years before you feel it shift emotionally and in your body. It takes intention, commitment, and patience.

• You can learn and relearn, but can’t unlearn. The brain doesn’t delete, it rewires which means you can build new beliefs and behaviours alongside old ones. The more you then use them, the more they’ll replace old habits.  

A visual I love and often use is the Comfort-Stretch-Panic model based on Robert. M. Yerkes and John. D. Dodson’s law:

• Comfort Zone: Familiar, safe, sometimes stagnant.

• Stretch Zone: Where challenge meets curiosity. Growth lives here.

• Panic Zone: Overwhelming, takes us back to comfort - often with shame in tow.

Sustainable growth happens when you dance between comfort and stretch. Dip in. Integrate. Return. Repeat. The more you do, the more your comfort zone will expand.

In coaching, we don’t push you into your panic zone. We invite you to take small steps into your stretch zone and you are in control of the activities and the pace. 

Part 3: Express Yourself

I used to think I had to be fully healed and perfect (spoiler alert: nobody is!) to speak up. To wait until I’d done all the inner work before sharing anything with the world. Why? Truth is, expressing yourself can feel so damn vulnerable. 

To express yourself is to say: This is who I am today. It might change. But I’m here, and I’m showing up.

Sometimes that looks like:

• Sharing your story

• Naming and describing your emotions 

• Asking for help

• Taking a break 

• Saying "no" or “not now”

• Setting a boundary

Boundaries, in particular, have been a game-changer for me. I used to think they were walls but I’ve learned they’re actually bridges towards clearer, kinder relationships. They help others meet the real you, not just the agreeable mask.

Expression also means being mindful. Not weaponising "authenticity" as an excuse to bulldoze others. This is where non-violent communication comes in handy. Ask: Is what I’m saying true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

In coaching, expression is about alignment. We explore how your values, voice, and vision come to life in your work, relationships, and other projects and how to express those things in ways that feel meaningful, aligned, and freeing. 

Conclusion: The Ongoing Journey Home

Knowing yourself. Growing yourself. Expressing yourself.

These aren’t one-time steps. They’re lifelong practices. Whether you’re navigating a life transition, craving clarity, or simply sensing that there’s more to you than the roles you’ve been playing, you don’t have to do it alone.

You can learn more about my approach to coaching and book a free discovery call to see if we’re a match. I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.